We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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