ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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