road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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