I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
