I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
