Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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