day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
