please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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