im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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