Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
