i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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