i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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