So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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