I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
