He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
