think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We had sex on a dog bed..
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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