the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
