I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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