I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
