NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
