im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
