and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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