I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
