Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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