Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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