Porn is love you can see.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
