I smell stomach acid.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I could make wine with my vomit
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize