if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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