Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
