so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
