Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
