my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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