I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
