dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
