Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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