my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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