Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize