So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
