I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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