He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
