She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
