my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
