I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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