I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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