I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
