Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
