she woke up with a sticky ear
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
