Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
