Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
