then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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