Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
