I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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