Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
