Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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