Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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