I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm passing your future prison.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
