I need help removing her.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
