Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize