Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
