So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's never too late to be topless.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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