Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
