Apparently you make a good broom.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
