She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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