I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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