69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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