so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize