Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
