I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
