New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i was born a porn star she said
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
