We won't sleep together?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
