Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just pee around me
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
